life-disrupting

Alright so this is something I almost posted at like 4 a.m. this morning because that's how late I was awake thinking about it, but I insisted on getting at least a little sleep, so now I'm at work blogging. I am "proforming data" as I speak, which basically means that every 10 minutes or so I click a button and let the thing run while I spend time blogging--pretty cool huh? One of those things I almost feel bad getting paid to do, but it's all he asked me to do, and I've already done all the possible straightening up around the office I can do, so that leaves me here with you, blogging. Man, I may have to join a bloggers anonymous class or something. This is pitiful. Do they have those?

So last night I was EXTREMELY tired. We have FCA on Tuesday nights, and very similarly to the way things are at Freedom back home, we load and unload tons of sound equipment for a full band set-up every Tuesday night. Also like Freedom, we've finally gotten pretty efficient at it--well, at least when everything goes smoothly. Last night was the opposite of smoothly. The group that uses the theater before us got out late, so we had about 30 minutes less than normal, our drummer didn't show up, and then after FCA, two of the five guys who usually do set-up/take-down with us had to leave immediately for school reasons, leaving us three to load back up all the sound equipment. Suffice it to say, when I finally got back to my apartment at midnight, I was worn slam out. I spent a lot of time on the way home and when I got home thinking about normal self-centered Kent things. Like how much more time I used to have before I was doing FCA and things of the like. I started thinking about how life-disrupting giving my time was. I am making it sound more selfish than it actually seemed at the time for a reason, but that's basically what I was saying. Giving time to God was disrupting my life.

So I get to my quiet time before I go to bed, and in my quiet time, I'm making my way through two books: Nehemiah and Matthew. I actually read very little at a time because this time around, I'm doing my research and trying to really get at the real meaning of these passages. Last night my reading put me at the Rich Young Ruler story in Matthew (starting at 19:16). This guy wants to be saved, so Jesus tells him to obey the commandments (I almost think this is Jesus' way of poking fun at the rulers' and lawmakers' ideas of that time, that following Him mainly just consisted of following rules, but anyway). Then he says he is already living by the commandments. At this point, I see Jesus stopping in his tracks and turning around thinking, 'okay, you have my attention.' Maybe Jesus is interested that someone, for once, understands there is more to it than following commandments. So Jesus gives it to him straight: "Sell your possessions, give to the poor, and follow me." And that's where it ends. The rich young ruler realizes that following Jesus is not just gonna be another event in his life, but instead is gonna be life-disrupting.

But to be honest, that idea didn't occur to me while reading the passage (I guess I'm just thick-brained.) But as I was going to sleep, I had iTunes on random shuffle (what I usually do as I go to sleep), and the second song to play was Derek Webb's "Rich Young Ruler." At this point even my thick-brained self says "Okay God, You have my attention. Really." So I listen:

We’re all living so good
that we moved out of Jesus’ neighborhood
where he’s hungry and not feeling so good
from going through our trash
He says, more than just your cash and coin
I want your time, I want your voice
I want the things you just can’t give me

Yeah, Derek doesn't exactly hold back words. These words, combined with the passage I had read earlier hit me like a brick in the face. A brick that said: "Following me is supposed to be life disrupting, Kent." This marked the beginning of a sleepless night. I started thinking about all the things on my plate: school, family, friends, writing music, FCA, my life group, and the ten million other things I try to do all at once. That's when I realized where I have gone wrong: God was just another thing on my plate. And when I say this, I am actually thinking of a literal plate. In my mind, I'm staring at a meat & four plate from Rock's (mmmm) and seeing my life in it. The mac & cheese is probably my music, because it's the vegggie that feels the best going down. Hanging out with my friends is probably most like fried okra, because there's some good in it, deep down at the core, but a lot of times I feel like I have to get through the batter (which is not so good for me) to get to the important stuff. School is probably most like broccoli. Okay, so I really don't eat broccoli, but if I did it would be like school. I absolutely despise eating it, but I know I need it--that kind of thing. FCA is good, but I think half of what makes it so good is that I get to help lead worship while doing it, and that's not good that I feel that way, but it's true sometimes. So FCA I guess is kinda like mashed potatoes: I love it, but only when that delicious brown gravy is on top. And I'm not saying this to brag at all, but right now I feel like God is the meat. He's the country-fried steak. And now that I think of it, there's probably an analogy there too. I'm not a huge steak guy. It's gotta have some special sauce or be prepared a different kind of way in order for me to enjoy it. And sometimes I think I do that to God. He has everything to offer me, but I have to receive Him a certain way in order to get what I want from him. Once again, a really selfish way of looking at it, but I do it sometimes.

If you wanna take a break and go eat lunch/dinner now that I went through all that, feel free. I'll wait here.

Okay, glad you came back. I'm almost done, I promise. So I say all of that to say this: the problem is when we look at God like he's just another item on our plate. Whether he is the largest item or the smallest that we don't quite get to because we're already full, He's still just an item. You see this when people try to make Jesus an advocate of them climbing the corporate ladder, or an supporter of their political view, or an admirer of their parenting style, or a champion of their American dream. The truth is, he's not. He doesn't want to compliment your life, he wants your life. He wants you to lay down your life, and follow him. How many times does Jesus say something to that effect in the bible? I was gonna go through and count them to prove my point, but I got tired of counting. It's a lot of times, trust me. Very few people in the bible just added God to their plate. Most of them, I would even say, let God disrupt, or straight up ruin, their life.

I think the truth is Jesus doesn't want to be something you simply add to your plate in hopes it will improve your life. Instead of putting him on our plate, I think he wants to be the one we give our plate to, saying, "here's my life Lord, use it. Rearrange everything on it, take things off of it, add things to it, make it healthier, use it to feed the poor, or, if you want, knock everything off of it like you knocked over the tables in the temple. Be my Life-Disrupter."